Genie, I wish for your freedom....

Right now, I should be writing my educational philosophy for class, but, all I can think about is Robin Williams. I know he wasn't some personal friend of mine. I didn't know his family. We never had tea and talked about life. But, his roles touched my life. His role a teacher in Dead Poet's Society is one of those defining moments in my life. One of the many moments that reaffirmed who I wanted to be as a person, as a teacher.

   "Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang Peter Pan, and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. He arrived in our lives as an alien -- but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most -- from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets."- President Obama

I think what is hitting me the most is how he died. I have suffered with depression. I have sat in the worst parts of myself, stewing in self-hatred, feeling like there is no possible way out. I know what it feels like to be at that point where you just can't imagine waking up in the morning, let alone getting up and interacting with the rest of humanity.

Depression is this thing we don't talk about. Psychological problems are often ignored. People are told to toughen up, or get over it. "You'll be fine. You're strong. Bad things happen to everyone." But, sometimes, being strong is not enough. You can have the whole world and still be depressed. I feel like it is this common misconception people have that if you have everything you need, you should not be depressed. Like you are not entitled to it. Well, unfortunately, that is not the real world people. 

People need to stop ignoring depression. I mean, I am guilty of it too. I just ignore it and hope it will go away. I just put on a smile and push through. But, people can't do that forever. Eventually, the burden on your soul becomes too much, and you burst. How that burst manifests varies from person to person. For me, I just eventually felt nothing. It was a relief at first, because it was a nice change of pace from the intense feelings of sadness I was experiencing before. But, eventually, that feeling of nothing creeps up on you too, and you just have nothing more to live for in your life. 

The perkiness is CRAZY

It isn't a matter of being selfish. How can you be selfish if you are not thinking of yourself as anything of value? It isn't about getting attention, it isn't that you don't love the people around you. It is just that no matter how much you love those people, you can't bring yourself back to them. 

So, Robin Williams, I am unbelievably sad that you are gone. I am unbelievably sad that someone so kind was suffering so much. I am not a religious person. but, I do hope, now, that you are at peace.